


Let Me Be Your Huracán

by Winchester_at_Heart



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29265876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchester_at_Heart/pseuds/Winchester_at_Heart
Summary: A little boy from the Caribbean and one from the back row of class.He was too scared to ask for help when he first moved to America, because his English wasn't good.He was too scared to raise his hand in class because the letters whistled through his front two teeth.He was looking for help, even after years in America.He was looking to help, having known the feeling all too well.He was Alexander Hamilton.He was John Laurens.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW//  
> OCD  
> Destructive tendencies  
> Alcohol

From a boy in his dying mother's arms to the eye of someone's hurricane. 

From a boy lisping on every other word to the hurricane. 

Alex was the new student. The one from a little island in the Caribbean where he would be lucky to find dinner, much less happiness. And then, suddenly, he wasn't. He was the foreign boy. The one who's English lacked everything besides slang from years ago. Then he lost that identity too. So he hovered between them. 

John was the boy who always got picked last in gym. With lanky limbs and slow reflexes, no one wanted him on their kickball team. John was the boy whose tongue poked out between his front two teeth when he smiled and who couldn't make the s sound without sounding like a snake. 

Neither one of these boys ever wanted to ask for help in class. Alex because he didn't trust that he could remember the right word for his dilemma and John because he was afraid that his question would have one of the many letters he couldn't pronounce in it. 

At first, Alex was limited to simple sentences that he learned in English As A Second Language, but he soon picked up some shortened language. Unfortunately, Alex picked up the most out of date slang. He also couldn't pick up the j sound because it was not in Spanish, and that's all he's ever spoken. 

Alex was searching for help, feeling out of place in this bustling city of New York where everyone seems to know someone and you have to keep an eye of your valuables at every moment. John was searching for someone to help, knowing the feeling of being lost all too well. 

Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens. An unlikely pair, but one that would have to work. 

John Laurens is a slut. John Laurens uses women and then throws them to the curb. John Laurens is a screw up in every sense of the world. John Laurens sleeps around. 

At least that's what everyone says. 

In fact, he doesn't sleep around, he just sleeps. The only love making John Laurens does is falling in love far too easily. He falls in love and then never wants to let go. 

Alexander Hamilton is illegal. He's an alien. He's not meant to be here. Alexander Hamilton is a job thief. 

That's what people say. 

Alexander Hamilton isn't a job thief. He isn't an illegal immigrant. He's a hard working young man. He saved all his money and got the people of his island to pitch in to pay for him to go to America. 

Alex has always heard things behind his back. From people telling him " tu madre es una azada " and " eres la razón por la que tu primo se suicidó " while still on the island to " he's the idiot who doesn't speak English" once he's in New York. 

Even in America, a place that Alexander had always thought would be his salvation, Alexander has to hear people talk about him. Obviously, he would rather people say all of this to his face, but at least he does get to know what people think of him. 

People think something is wrong with Alex for many reasons. The situation of Mariah and Eliza is one thing, and his being an immigrant is always and will always be, another one. 

John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton met during junior year. Alex was in the middle of ESL classes and John was too shy to say hello to the newer student. 

Alex was taking as many English classes as he could. He wanted more than anything to be as fluent as a native English speaker. In his creative writing class one day in September, Alex went up to talk to John. His ESL, and first period teacher, had challenged all her students to introduce themselves and try and hold a simple conversation with a new person in English. 

When Alex first got to America, he learned the absolute basics, mostly how to say "here" when his name is called, and a few simple street terms. The terms were outdated however. 

No one, anymore, calls clothes "hot" or " rad" . Maybe people never did. 

That day in class, Alex found the nicest looking person he could and went up to them. It was the boy two desks away, John Laurens. He was wearing jeans with patches and an oversized hoodie. Homeless chic. 

Alex vaguely knew the name of this boy, but couldn't say it. The j sound still astounded him. He only ever knew Spanish, and that language lacks the sound. 

He wanted to tell John he liked his pants and that he seemed nice. He didn't know how to though. " Your pants look... hot." Alex didn't know the word for "cool" or "nice" yet, he had only heard boys call pretty girls hot and the people on the streets say it. He wanted to tell Laurens that he seemed awesome, but didn't have the right words. " Laurens.... I like... you a lot. " 

John didn't have the words to tell this boy that he sounded dumb. And he didn't want to. The boy was nice and not hard to look at. He had a thick accent that John couldn't place, and that John loved. 

When John was younger, he would borrow book after book from the public library. He used to love the Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle and tried to learn in- and de- ductions, like Sherlock. It made him feel okay. When John was in the middle of an episode, he'd zone out and start deducing to try and stop the spirals. 

He tried to do his whole Sherlock thing before continuing with Alexander. Well, he doesn't continue for a few minutes. 

Alex just stares at John until John says something. "Thanks. I like your hoodie." It's a red hoodie with " Apocalypse Of The Damned" stitched on it. The game used to be huge, but since has slowly faded into the shadows. It's a thrift store hoodie, John can tell. He's been in enough thrift shops to know when something is second, or third, handed. That's not a bad thing - it's just a thing. 

John smiles at the new boy and taps a pattern only he knows onto his leg. "Is English your first language?" 

Alex looks confused for a second then shakes his head.

" Es Español? "

Alex smiles widely and nods. 

" Did you know the word "no" is the same in both languages?"

Alex smiles. " No?"

" It is. I'm taking Spanish as my foreign language and learning it outside of school."

Alex looks confused. His English is improving day by day, but he still struggles to understand John. 

John tries again. " Tenemos que tomar un segundo idioma aquí para graduarse y yo estoy tomando español. Para que podamos hablar en ambos. " 

Alex smiles widely. "Eso sería genial. Ambos podemos aprender los idiomas del otro." 

Throughout that class, over the next few weeks, Alex and John get to know each other a lot better. They stay with each other no matter what.


	2. 2

When Alex gets his first American girlfriend, John is there for him, smiling right next to him. When she, Eliza, dumps him, John hugs him as he mumbles curses in Spanish. That's something he still hasn't shaken. When he's emotional or nervous, his languages mix. Now, it isn't that he can't tell the difference, it's that he's too preoccupied to care. Sometimes, when he's in a state, Alex will keep his sentences short to limit the mix-ups. Another thing Alex does, mostly in very high stress, is he'll call John Laurens instead of John because the j sound is hard to do when he's struggling. 

John doesn't even ask why Eliza broke up with Alex, instead letting his friend tell the story in his own time. 

Alex has been single for about an hour when he tells John the story. He might not be entirely sober. All John can say about that is that Alex came over and had a water bottle and wouldn't share it. 

Anyways, Alex cheated on Eliza. She tried to get him to stop, and she'd stay, but he wouldn't. It was with this girl, Mariah. " And, I loved her. I did. Eliza was great. But she couldn't fufill me. "

John smiles behind his hand. 

Alex playfully smacks him on the arm. " That isn't what Americans say is it? " When John shakes his head, Alex rolls his eyes and tries again. " I wasn't happy. I think Liza cared more about her mirror than she did me. "

And it was true. Eliza was self absorbed. Yes, being with Mariah wasn't the smartest move but he wasn't happy. And he didn't want to be in a relationship that made him hate himself even more than he already did. Eliza wasn't good for him.

She was more concerned with the superlatives in the yearbook naming them best couple than she was with taking care of her boyfriend. Eliza didn't care that Alex couldn't handle driving over to her house in the middle of of a thunderstorm. She didn't care that Alex struggled during health class when they started talking about suicide and prevention. She knew that he had lost his cousin to suicide years before but she didn't care. Eliza didn't care.

Until that she did. Until she found out Alex was spending more time in janitorial closets with Mariah then he was texting her in the evenings. Until what she found out that Alex had a life besides her. She never knew that he was with Mariah to blackmail. She never knew that Alex was miserable. She didn't know that he was miserable in a relationship with her and she definitely didn't know that he was miserable in a relationship with Mariah. He was miserable, and she didn't care. 

Mariah's actual boyfriend, James, had managed to make it seem just like Alex was an alien to the country. And it would work if James wanted it to. His dad worked for the government. 

So James blackmailed Alex. He and Mariah had just split due to Mariah realising James was gay. James blackmailed Alex into dating his ex girlfriend so it would seem like that is the reason for the breakup. 

John listened quietly until Alex was done. After that, the two just sat in silence, at a mutual agreement.


	3. 3

Alex isn't the only one with issues. He notices it about John on a random Saturday. The boys are sitting on John's couch talking. John is flipping through a magazine and Alex is patting and plaiting his hair. He's only just said a swear under his breath and brought his hand up to his face to see the paper cut when John gets up. He says he just has to run to the facilities quickly and will be back. When it has been almost thirty minutes and he hasn't returned, Alex gets nervous.

The bathroom door was open, and Alex looks in. 

John is standing in front of his mirror, hands white with pressure against the tile to stabilize him. He's shaking and bobbing his head. 

Alex knocks softly on the wall. 

John flips around and suddenly stops looking anxious and instead just gone. " I was focusing. " John squints his eyes. " Focus. Fo. Focused. No. No. Focusing. Focusing. Fo. Focusing. Cussing. Swearing. No. No. No. " 

Alex looks concerned. " Laurens. Parents? "

" It's okay. It's okay. I'm okay. Okay. Okay. " John looks like he is in pain, and Alex rushes out. 

He finds John's mother in another room. She hurries to John, who she sits on the floor with. John lifts his hands from the countertop and Alex gasps. There is blood everywhere. 

John mother whisks him off to her bathroom. Alex sits down on the couch, head in his hands. He doesn't know what he just saw, but it scares him. 

John's mother, Eleanor, comes out and gets Alex soon after. " He scare you there?"

Alex nods and stands up. Eleanor leads him to John's room. Alex has never been her before, but he doesn't care, paying more mind to the boy sitting on the bed. 

Eleanor steps out and leaves her son and Alex alone. 

" Laurens. What happen? "

" You mean happened. Tenses are hard, especially when you are stressed. "

" What happened?"

" Panic attack. I think. It wasn't fun. " John lifts up his hands, which are covered in Band-Aids. "

" But? How? "

" I got a cut, and it couldn't just be one cut. It has to be even. So I made another. But then it was too deep. So i deepened the other one. I kept going. Then I stopped. I was looping. You heard that. I couldn't get off one word. Or when I did, I got stuck on another. It happens sometimes during attacks. Or everyday life. But that was fun. No stitches this time though. "

Alex looks over in shock. 

John smiles. " It's a long story. Get up here. Get comfortable. " 

As Alex climbs on the bed, John shakes his arms to get his sleeves down. As he does, his shows Alex a scar on his right wrist. " See. I was cutting vegetables and nicked my wrist. Well, one cut was a, I thought, bad number, so I had to do a multiple of three. " John points to a cluster of indents. On his left wrist, John shows Alex a long thin scar. Next to it is a thick one, and a wavy one. " The first attempt looked crooked. The second was too thick. So my disorder saved my life. I went to do the third, and I did, but my mom came in to give me dinner, I said I wasn't feeling well so she brought it to me and saw me sprawled on the floor bleeding out. She had to work triple shifts for a few months after that to pay. " 

John lays against Alex and starts telling him tales of disorder related incidents. Finally, he ends with this gem. " When I thought about cocktails as I child, I thought of drinking, not Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Social Anxiety Disorder. Those aren't the types of ingredients you want in a drink. " 

It doesn't happen that day, but over time, Alex learns how to help a friend with OCD and Anxiety. Mostly OCD. He learns John's compulsions, threes, bobbing his head, tapping, and clicking, and how to manage them, slowly and kindly. 

When he was younger, John had an IEP, or individualized education plan. 

His entire family knew something was wrong with John. I mean, it's hard not to notice. Most people don't have such extreme fixations on turtles, of all things. John always knew that normal people would laugh at themselves if they missed a button when getting dressed, but he wouldn't. John would dig his fingernails into his palms, leaving small cuts until his chest felt less tight or his thoughts stopped spiraling. Then he would button his shirt correctly. Then unbutton it. And repeat. If he missed a button during this, he would possibly, and likely, spiral. And then he would have unbutton it. He would stand in the bathroom or his room unbuttoning and rebuttoning his shirt for as long as it took to get his mind to stop racing. John Laurens knew he wasn't normal. But he never expected to be.

John Laurens knew things would be different when he got to middle school. He knew that his individualized education plan was gone. That without a formal diagnosis, he was stuck taking standard classes with his standard classmates. And he couldn't get his diagnosis. With front teeth that whistled with any word containing the letter s, and shaking hands with crescent moon scars lining their backs from days when his nails stuck too deep, John had a lot of things wrong with him. And John's family couldn't afford to fix any of them. Therapy costs too much, it wasn't something they could afford. Seeing as his dad was out of the picture and John's mother ran a business at night and worked as a nurse during the day, money was tight. Therapy was too expensive. So were braces. And anyways why would John ever be so vain as to want straight white teeth. Did he not think his parents with their crooked teeth were good enough? Did he think he was better than them? No. John just wanted to feel normal.

When the spirals in his head wouldn't let him feelings okay, he wanted his outside to at least seem like his life was together. 

He's always had conpulsions. they were never anything huge, and the longest time he just seemed like a weird kid. Not being able to handle it if his socks weren't lined up correctly, or crying when his turtle slept for 10 minutes longer than he wanted it to. It wasn't dead, John just had a very strict schedule that everything had to stick to and the turtle being a turtle chose not to stick to the schedule, not understanding the importance of it.

Then fifth grade happened, and John's dad walked out. By sixth grade, John had shaky scars on his arm and teeth tender from being ground. 

That's when he got his diagnosis. The hospital had to allow it. There was no denying what the three long scars on John's arm were. So they sent him to a psychologist in the hospital. The psychologist barely had to look at him to know. Well, of course, she had to think quite a bit about Laurens. He was an odd case. She thought depression, when she saw self-harm, then she saw it went deeper. There was a cluster of small indents on the other wrist, and she asked John what those were from. When he told her that they were from a compulsion, just not phrasing it that way, she ends up diagnosing him with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The Generalized Anxiety Disorder was just a subset of that. The social anxiety was figured out when she asked John how he functioned in school and he explained the shortness of breath, sweating, and what he believed at first to be heart attack symptoms, every time someone new tried to talk to him. Now of course panic attacks don't always present the same way, and his didn't always either. At first they were the kind he'd seen on TV or he'd seen other students have. The crying, shaking, heart racing kind. That might have been because his body didn't know how to react, and his body saw how other people reacted and mimicked it. By the time he was in 7th or 8th grade however, John's attacks had gone simply from anxiety attacks that would present in stressful situations and out of nowhere sometimes which he always hated, to attacks with his OCD when he would spiral out of control until he was left with bruises or cuts or in a state where he could barely get out of bed much less go to school.


	4. 4

Sure, John was messed up, but who said Alex wasn't. 

The boys are sitting together on John's couch. Alex is curled on the arm of the couch, his legs tucked under him, and John is perched on the edge. Both of them are playing a video game. John got what seemed to be Alex's favourite video game, "Apocalypse Of The Damned" and the boys are playing it. It's a nice callback to the day they met, and the secondhand hoodie Alex was wearing. 

John ends level eight as Alex leans over towards him. " Level nine. The cafetorium. " 

Subconsciously, John scoots over to be closer to Alex. 

As the boys slowly get closer and closer, John's phone rings. " Hey, Alex, hold on a second. I have to get this. " 

Alex nods. 

" My phone is over there. I need you to sit up. " Alex seems to snap into reality and jump up. 

John grabs his phone heads back over to the couch. He sits down, with the no longer ringing phone, and gets comfortable, Alex laying his head back down on him. 

He dials the number again, and waits. When it picks up, he smiles at Alex and takes the call. " Hey Mom. ... What's up?... Okay, so pizza? ... Come on. ... Fine. ... 350 or 375? ... Hold on. Alex is here with me. " John takes the phone from his ear. " What's up, Alex. "

" Just have to get up. My legs are asleep. I'm going to walk a bit. Want anything, y'know, from your own house? " 

John nods. " Grab me a Pepsi and get the popcorn. If I can't have pizza, I'm at least making popcorn. Yes, you can have whatever you want, except the mint ice cream. My mom will kill you if you eat that. It's her ice cream for drugging me. " John's mom scolds him from the phone. " Yeah, mom. It is. That's the stuff I eat when the shrink says I'm bad again. When I go that is. " He mumbles the last bit. " Whatever. ... Okay, bye. " 

When Alex comes back, he lays on top of John, almost like a cat. " What'd your mom want? "

" Tell me she's going to be late and to start dinner later. It's storming, I know we can't even hear it, and that always means extra clinic patients. "

Alex pulls himself up, and sits straight. " It's storming?" His voice seems tight. 

John nods. 

Alex pulls at his hair. " Do you have a rubber band?"

John nods and goes to get a few hair ties from his mom's dresser drawer. When he returns, Alex is pacing the floor. 

" Are you okay? " 

Alex nods. 

" Sure?" 

Alex nods, but seeing the look in John's eyes, slowly shakes his head. " Rain makes me nervous... Jumpy? What's the word? "

" Anxious?" 

" Yes. Yes. Anxious. I think. "

" Should I get out Google translate? "

" No, it's fine. It's fine. "

John pulls up the app anyway and starts repeating words to Alex. Ansiedad? La inquieto? El desasosegado ? El miedo? Any of these? " 

" It's what you said. Anxiety. Anxious. That. Also, lady in Google tells you how to say them for a reason. " Alex drops the articles out of habit. 

" How can I make this easier on you? I can't stop the rain. " 

Alex shrugs and scoots closer to the armrest. " No idea. " 

John reaches to Alex, but pulls his hand back. " May I? " 

Alex nods, and let's John pull him closer. He buries his head in the other boy's chest, shaking. 

The boy's sit quietly until Alex lifts his head. 

" Want to talk about it?" 

" No. "

" Hey, remember, that's the first English word that I taught you. "

" It is. Same in ambos. I mean both. "

" You're really struggling aren't you?"

" Why'd you say that?"

" Keep in mind, you're talking to someone who's mental illness literally revolves around habits and conpulsions. You've got a few habits yourself. "

" No, I don't. "

" You're mixing your words. You do that when you're nervous. " 

Alex visibly deflates. 

" Let's go upstairs. To my room. "

And so the boys venture upstairs to John's room. Once there, Alex heads to the bed and climbs on. John heads to his wall with a few cubby holes and rummages through a bin. He finds what he needs and pockets it. 

Alex has to head home a few hours later. John picked him up, since it was a Saturday morning, and now he goes to drop him off. As he drops Alex off at his house, he hands him a cell phone with a list of numbers in it. " It's my number and my mom's, in case I don't pick up. I don't know what your thing with storms is, but I can empathize. Call me any time you need it. I'll show you my contact for you in my phone. " John pulls us a contact, with the number of Alex's new phone and a picture John took while Alex was sleeping on John's lap, though he'd never admit to it. Where the name would go, " Alexander - John You MUST Pick Up" is written. John has the same message with his mom and he used to have it with his therapist, when he had one. It basically just means that no matter how bad his anxiety is, he can put it aside for this person. 

When junior year is coming to a close, it storms again. Loudly. John is fast asleep in study hall when his phone starts vibrating. A girl who sits near him pokes him until he wakes up. " What's up Angie?"

" Angelica. And your phone is ringing. "

John nods his thanks and asks for a pardon to take the call. Once in the hall, he picks back up. It's Alex. He's been calling for the past six minutes. John picks up and starts heading to German II. It's where Alex is. The school only offers Spanish, French, and German, and since Alex already spoke two, he had to take German. 

John can hear the storm get louder as he gets closer to the language lab. When Alex picks up, he sounds frantic. John keeps his voice even. " Alex. I'm coming. I'm coming. Where are you? ... Okay. Two more minutes. ... Can you handle that? ... Okay. I can run. Hold on. ... " John stays on the phone until he is kneeling on the cold tile of the school bathroom with Alex next to him. 

Alex is mumbling in Spanish as John sits next to him. Without thinking, John puts a hand on Alex, who tenses to the touch. John mumbles an apology and gives Alex space. He doesn't leave him though, because there's a big difference between comforting someone and being too close for comfort. John just moves so that Alex doesn't feel like he's trapped but Alex can still come for him for physical touch if he wants to. 

John helps Alex up when he's ready, and instead of taking him to German, takes him to study hall. He has Alex stay in the hall as John just gets his stuff and walks out, yelling at the teacher that he had a family emergency and was signing himself out. The boy's head over to German, where John goes in, saying that he was sent to get the things for Alex. 

The boy's head out into the storm, John shielding Alex with his jacket, and get in John's car. Alex is silent until John starts the car, when he lets out a noise like a kicked dog. 

" You okay?"

Alex nods. " Just drive please. I want this to be over. I have to go home. " 

John nods and puts one hand on the middle cupholder for Alex to hold if he wants. Alex does take the offered hand, but not to hold, instead to place it on the wheel. " Los dos. Please. " 

John drives the boys to his house, where they get comfortable on the couch. Alex is finally ready to explain why storms scare him. 

" Laurens. They had storms. People died. It's a scared me. When I was home - when I was on the island, we had a storm. I was 17. It hurt so many. The people made me leave. It wasn't safe. We had... what are they called? " Alex tugs at his hair and John hands him a scrunchie, which he makes use of. Alex runs a hand over his face, trying to recall the word. 

" Storms?"

" No. Big ones. I know the word storm. Not this one. " 

" I don't know what you mean. Just say it in Spanish. " 

" We had huracán after huracán. "

" Does that mean hurricane? I think it does. It sounds like it. Let's say it is. Keep going. "

" Hurricane. We had hurricanes and everyone died. The people on my island lost everything. Some of them knew me. They couldn't lose me. I'd been saving to move. I was taking English lessons. They got money together. My island sent me here. " 

John puts a hand out to Alex, who shakes his head. John nods. 

Alex keeps going. " I was driving. I know how. I was driving the landlord to a clinic. He was sick. He reminded me of my mom. Then the hurricane hit. He died. I didn't. I've escaped death so much, I can't seem to die. Now I can't seem to do much. Driving isn't possible and storms scare me. A lot. I don't know why. " 

After he is done, Alex nods and lays across John's lap.

Hurricane or huracán soon becomes shorthand for bad things. At first, the school principal being diagnosed and later dying of cancer is considered a huracán thing, but soon a C instead of an A or B is also a huracán.


	5. 5

When senior year starts, the boys are planning to ride together, John driving them. The night before though, John texts Alex to take the bus, that he can't drive. Alex assumes they both will, but when John isn't at school, Alex worries. First block ends, and Alex decides that is long enough and calls John, who doesn't pick up until a few minutes later. 

John's voice is tired and rough. " What's up? Is something wrong?" It's second block. You're supposed to be in history right now." 

Alex shakes his head, but remembers John can't see him. " ¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Igualmente! Tu no estás aquí. ¿Por qué?" The words trip over themselves as they rush from Alex's concerned mouth. 

John coughs away from the receiver and responds, voice still tired, but even more rough now. " ' Lex. It's early. Can you either slow down or say it in English? I can't translate that fast. " 

"¡Perdón! Yes. Sorry. I'm in the hall. You weren't here and I got scared. Are you okay?" Alex hears John coughs again. " Are you sick? You can't be sick. You're never sick. "

" Alex. Yeah, I'm sick. That why I texted you. I hadn't felt great last night, and while my mom managed to sneak me into the clinic, I managed to get bronchitis. Not sure how. " 

Alex winces at John's voice and how painful it sounds. " Be there soon. "

" Wait. No. Class. Go on. " 

Alex hangs up. He gets his stuff to go home and signs himself out in the office. On his way to the front doors, he realises he doesn't drive and doesn't know how to get to John's house. So he walks. Well, he walks to the chemist, and then to John. Since Alex is officially 18, he can buy cough syrup for John, and he does. 

Since no one arrives at John's house for about 45 minutes, he trusts that Alex went to class and heads back to bed, to suffer in his room of germs alone. 

He's woken up when someone starts banging on the door as his phone rings. It's Alex. John shuffles to the front door, blanket dropped on his shoulders, the picture of health, and let's Alex in. 

Despite knowing where John sleeps, Alex situates himself on the couch. " I brought gifts. " Alex opens one of the bags to show John the provisions. It has cough drops, cough syrup, and cold and flu tablets. The open bag is from the chemists, about twenty minutes away. The closed one is from the shops about three minutes by car away. It has mint chocolate chip ice cream in it. Alex shows this to John. " It's pill bribing ice cream. And I brought pills. " 

John laughs, which makes him cough until Alex is beside him, rubbing circles on his back. 

Finally, John, all doped up on his prescription and what Alex brought, can talk without pain. " Did school let out a few hours early? "

" No. I walked out after we talked. I don't drive, so I walked to get this stuff. I think the chemist thought I was making a lab with all the medical stuff. And the questions I asked. I had to make sure you could take this stuff. " 

" Go home. I'm probably contagious. "

" If you are, I've already caught it. " 

John yawns and lays down on the couch, curling up to leave room for Alex. 

Alex notices this and taps on John's shoulder. He eases him up until John's head is in Alex's lap. Alex plays with his hair until John falls asleep. 

John Laurens is too broke for college. Alexander Hamilton doesn't want to go without John. So neither one goes. 

They rent an apartment together in Washington Heights. They live like college students, with ramen noodles and thrift shops lining their daily lives. Alex loves hoodies that are too big for him and John prefers those that he can alter to fit him. 

The storms in Washington Heights make for a very anxious and on edge Alex, and existing in general makes for an anxious John. So does a shooting at the hospital his mother works at. 

Alex is bustling around, annoyed at the world because it's storming, while John sits on the couch, tapping his leg in bursts of threes. The side of his face hurts, he's been grinding his teeth since the news of the shooting came to him. It was on the news. His mother still hasn't called back. 

Alex doesn't understand, and storms in, shouting about how John most have finished the coffee in the pot, and isn't it common courtesy to make more and things like that. In fact, John was trying to make Alex coffee, know how the storm would affect him, but John was shaking so badly that he spilled the drink all over himself. He wouldn't drink it, he can't keep anything down. 

John is pushing against the idea that his mother is dead, but he can't. It's like a spiral, no matter how far in someone zooms, the spiral keeps going, keeps tightening. 

Anyway, Alex is shouting, and John stands up on weak legs to argue back, but collapses. Alex is snapped out of his reverie and hurries to John's side. John's fully conscious, he just couldn't take the energy that could be used panicking and put it into a normal human function like standing. Alex help John onto the couch and they sit. John is scratching at his arms, and Alex has to take his hands and hold them, to keep him from doing anything else. The boys talk for a moment and John explains what's happening. 

Alex stands up abruptly, dropping John's hands, which immediately go back to scratching his arms. 

" I'm your hurricane. I can't help it. John. I'm sorry. I'm your hurricane. I'm sorry. I should just go. " Alex starts crying. 

John pulls Alex to him and brushes the hair from Alex's face, pulling it into a ponytail. "Alexander, be my hurricane." 

" I can't do that. I can't let you sit there while I destroy everything. "

" I can. "

" I can't let you do that. "

" 'Lex, I'll let you be my hurricane as long as I can be part of the destruction. "

" Why would you want that? Do you have some horrible wish to get hurt? "

" No, but I'm going to get hurt by someone before I die, and I'd be honoured for you to be the one to do it. " 

Alex stands back up. " I thought falling in love with someone would be fun. "

John scoffs. " Since when was any type of falling fun?" 

Alex pulls at his ponytail. " Hey, John?"

"Yeah?"

" Can I drive you to the hospital to see that your mom is fine?" 

" I would love you to. Except it's raining, and you don't drive. "

" I know. Being with you isn't going to cure me, but you can at least be with me while I try to help myself. "

A few seconds go by before John says anything. " Let's go for a drive then. "

" Let's. But one rule. "

" Sure. What's that?"

" No weather channel. And- okay two rules. No weather channel and we take the steps I can handle. I don't want to have an anxiety attack in a car that you're in and endanger you. I can't lose you too. " 

" Deal." 

The two boys get in John's car, and Alex climbs into the driver's seat. He sits still for a few seconds until he steps back out. " I can't. Not right now at least. "

John nods. " Do you know why you can't right now?"

" I'm too emotional. I want to drive again when I'm calm. When I can handle myself on the road. "

" Then let's go back inside. If we aren't driving, we don't need to be outside. I don't want you out in the rain and catching anything. " 

"Hey, John?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you. "

" I love you my Huracán."


End file.
